Tell me.


Tell me when you’re not strong enough 

Tell me when you want to let your guard down and need a shoulder to cry on
It’s ok that you’re not ok
It’s ok that you’re not strong today
There’s nothing wrong with feeling the pressure
You’re human
I see beyond your tough exterior
I see beyond your broken smile
I know you’re going through it
I know you’re struggling to figure it out
You feel like you can do better and be better
I’m here
I’ll hold your hand until all the dots connect
Trust in this unconditional love, please.

That kind of love.

We all want that type of love that awakens different parts of our being. The type that lets us be exactly who we are and doesn’t judge us. The kind that reminds us of our strengths without criticizing us. The kind that doesn’t disappear when we’re down and does everything to make sure we don’t hurt alone. The kind that heals our scars and works overtime to ensure we don’t get cut again. That kind of love is patient, kind and understanding. 

Sometimes you find that and somehow it slips away.

You & Him.

You’re scared of change. He might be too. Maybe that’s why you both keep trying to find comfort in the same arms that crushed your hearts. Kissing the lips that parted and voiced the words that made you feel small. Remember when you both hurt each other? Are you trying to heal this time or are you both just waiting for another imperfect moment to break yourselves?

I know you feel the difference. Your heart doesn’t race the same, the butterflies don’t feel the same, it’s a little more stifling. You’re constantly reminding yourself not to feel too much because he might be gone soon. You know the part when he walks out the door again is inevitable. He’s never really yours to keep. Has he ever been?

You’re so addicted to the chaos and emotional uncertainty that you consciously hurt yourself repeatedly. You believe you’ve found beauty amidst the chaos. It’s hard but you’ve convinced yourself it’s easier than getting used to new butterflies in your tummy or the heartbeat the love of another could awaken.

Selfish Love.

There’s a fine line between wanting to be with someone and not being able to stomach them being with someone else.
Are you really in love with her or is the idea of her in his arms sickening? We need to ask ourselves this and stop forcing our hearts to feel love that’s already lost. Of course, it’ll hurt but it’ll hurt more if you’re holding on out of pride, selfishness and jealousy.
Let things naturally unravel. Maybe it’ll work out someday. Maybe it won’t and it’s the end of the road. Learn to be ok with that. Your heart will thank you later.

Soulmates.

Dee: Do you think everyone has one soulmate?
Me: No, I don’t.

I don’t think there’s such a thing as a soulmate. Of course, certain souls gravitate towards each other and there’s undeniable chemistry but it’s understandable if someone experiences that only once in a lifetime and that forces them to believe there’s only one soulmate out there for them.

Personally, I think you do yourself a huge disservice thinking that. There are so many amazing souls out there to connect with but we’re either too guarded or too in our own heads to discover that.

I also think there are different kinds of soulmates. Not just that person you fall head over heels in love with and want to spend the rest of your life with. You have those people that keep you in awe of how well your minds connect and how easily you accept each other. It’s important to acknowledge the difference and respect it.

Time Heals.

Life breaks us down sometimes and as difficult as that is, we try to convince ourselves we can completely love again with those broken pieces. It’s almost impossible. Time heals and in order to give someone the kind of love they deserve, we need that time. We need to heal, we need to get ourselves to a place where we can selflessly give and hold nothing back. Only pain and the fear of falling back down can cause us to withhold parts of our love.

I’ve learnt that you need to be ready for love. Not to receive it-because the task is not in the receiving-but to give it. To give all you have to give to a deserving heart.

Looking into the eyes of someone you love and making them believe you don’t care just because you’re broken and you don’t want to admit you need fixing before you can completely embrace the love they have to offer without second guessing their intentions is the worst feeling.

Give yourself that time. Nothing hurts more than trying to pull love out of the cracks of a broken heart.

Your work is go…

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle.

– Steve Jobs

The first tear I shed.

She said to me ‘you’ve never felt pain until you’ve felt love’. She was my best friend, I loved her but she never caused me pain so I thought it was one of her drunken quotes.

Walking through the grocery store as I always did on wednesdays after my media class, searching for ingredients to take home with me to my only love, my kitchen, there he was. Tall, caramel perfection that I had always imagined I’d never find if I remained in love with culinary adventures but there he was, arm stretched out, introducing himself but I was too carried away by my inability to believe the moment. Then I heard “Hi? I said I’m William, you are?” I looked up to the vivid ray of sunlight that were his eyes and said “Oh my god, I’m sorry. Hi, I’m Allison” That was the handshake that changed my journal entries and the way I viewed the world. From that moment, we were inseparable.

Months passed and we fell deeper in love, craving each other whenever we were apart. We loved the same meals, listened to the same artistes, enjoyed to appreciate nature, approached problems similarly. We claimed to love the ease of our relationship because there was barely anything to argue over. It was smooth sailing, maybe too smooth.

It was time to ‘meet the parents’. Of course, I was a bit anxious. I could tell from the way he talked about his family that their love for each other was undeniable. Daisy was the first person I ran to ranting about how I felt. She was my best friend, she didn’t have a choice but to listen and make me feel better about myself. She told me how much William loved me and there was no way his parents would feel otherwise. I believed her and that was exactly how the dinner went. They loved me and I too, them.

Months passed and this amazing bond loosened, I hardly saw William. He was either too busy travelling or too consumed in work. I loved him enough to believe him and be patient.

There’s only so far your patience can take you. I got tired of waiting around for him so I decided to take the bull by the horn.

There I was in my stunning red bandage dress I just bought, a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other looking at the man I loved tangled between the sheets with my best friend. After I shed my first tear of heartbreak, her words made sense to me ‘you’ve never felt pain until you’ve felt love’. She was right, I felt my heart shatter in pieces like the glasses had at my feet.

From that moment, pain was all I associated with love. I never wanted to feel it ever again.