Living for You.

You get to crossroads in life and you need to make a conscious decision to live for yourself and stop craving the validation of others. You need to ask yourself ‘What happens when this person isn’t in my life anymore?’ What would you do with the life choices you made trying to keep that person happy? Nothing. You’re stuck with them. They become your own problem because you didn’t make them for yourself. It’s really scary but it doesn’t have to be. Live for yourself. Not asking you to be self-centered but sometimes, you need to love yourself enough to put yourself first and make decisions you can stand behind in the long run because the people that really love and care about you will always be there, they won’t judge you, they’d support you and your life choices because your happiness is more important to them than what society thinks.

Where does a st…

Where does a story truly begin? In life, there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments when we can, in looking back, say that everything started. Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never have foreseen.

– Nicholas Sparks, A Bend in the Road

Just like you.

You wake up some days amidst the circumstances that surround you and wonder if the impact of a car would hurt a little less. I know you feel like nothing’s going to work out, your faith is trembling. You feel like you’re crying out for help and no one seems to hear, even when they do, they wonder why you don’t feel as happy about life as they do. I know you’re drowning in your thoughts and praying for a way to stay afloat. I know the future frightens you and you’re not sure you want to keep considering your options because it seems to set you even farther back. You wish your loved ones could read your mind and help without having to ask you a million questions because the more you talk about how you feel, the more your soul cries. You’re not sure if you can go on because with every step you take, you watch your world crumble around you. You feel yourself losing grip while your life spirals out of control. You just want to get back to a place you used to know, feel a certain kind of peace you’re well accustomed to. I understand how you feel, I am just like you.

New Year’s Resolutions.

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. Some of the people that claim they do are already breaking them because they felt they needed to schedule change in their lives at the beginning of the year. Maybe it wasn’t time for change, maybe they really weren’t ready to accommodate it, maybe they needed to fall a few more times to build the strength to see change through. Why do you need a new year to start off for you to realize the changes you need to make in your life? It’s never too early or late to make a change or a mistake. Don’t limit your growth. If you wake up in the middle of the year with the urge to make a right turn, then do that. It could be a mistake but you can take responsibility for it cause it’s your decision but when you let the world tell you you need resolutions on the 1st of January then you rob yourself of the ‘freedom of self’. Don’t be boxed in by the pressure to succumb to society’s timeline of change.

Fear of Aging.

The fear of aging has forced me down memory lane. I’ve spent the last couple of days figuring out what life really is. After all the headaches and long nights, the truth is, life is short. Too short to even waste it thinking about the essence of living. I appreciate everyday I have because I’ve known people who didn’t get the chance to do the same. They fell off. Most of them not by their own doing but they fell off regardless. The people who loved them and they loved in return, moved on. I’m not an exception. That alone makes you wonder why you fight so hard to hold on to people that would eventually move on if you happen to fall off. Relationships are important, yes. Having people to love and care about is amazing but do you really need to lose yourself in the quest of holding on to them. I don’t think so. Live a life were you appreciate everyone for all they bring into your life and you’re able to reciprocate but bear in mind that it won’t last forever and when you get to the end of the road with a particular person or group of people, you have to be willing to accept change and growth. Be willing to let people go because maybe, just maybe their job has been completed in your life and you need new people to start playing new roles. We always fight to have our walls up but what’s really the point? What do we really gain from preventing ourselves from experiencing the amazing personalities the world’s trying to bring into our lives?

We’re all growing and evolving. Most times, it’ll steer us away from the norm we used to know. This growth will introduce us to a redefined version of ourselves and that’s great. We need to own it and follow the new path that’s right for us. It might cause a little pain and strain but that’s okay too. Eventually, everything will fall into place. We’re all unfinished puzzles even though we might hate to admit it. We don’t have it all figured out but time will mend us. There’s no doubt about that.

I’m over my fear of aging. I’m just looking forward to what the years ahead bring me and the angles they let me explore.

Decisions.

Life’s thrown so much at me in the past couple of weeks. It’s difficult to really make anything of the circumstances I’ve found myself in but everything’s had me on a roller coaster of emotions. I’m hanging in there but I have to make decisions. Life changing decisions. I have to decide to take control of my own destiny. It’s not the easiest thing to decide to live for yourself, live out your own dreams and not what a governing party has laid out for you in their mind or the dreams you’ve grown up to believe you should follow. 

 
Learning to stand on your own and chase your own dreams isn’t the easiest thing but it’ll be worth it in the end. We all claim to be independent but are we really? There’s a lot more to independence than we want to believe. Sometimes, we need to be opinionated- operative word being “sometimes“-. Being opinionated isn’t always the best thing cause you could come across as stuck up or pushy. Regardless, being a person with an opinion or a standing is really necessary in life. 
 

Believe.

The moments we forget about our struggles are the happiest ones. Don’t let your problems cast a shadow over your life. The findings of yesterday might be the reason why today is so blurry. Should you also let tomorrow go by the same way? The change you make today automatically changes the outcome of tomorrow. Does your future have any significance to you? Do you think so much about it that you can’t even understand your thoughts anymore? Maybe you’ll end up along the line of your thoughts. Maybe not. You’ll never understand God’s plan for you until you actually let him take control. He’s the author and finisher of our faith so why not let him take control? He’ll make a way obviously. All you have to do is believe. Never try to plan or go ahead of God. You’ll always take the wrong turn when you rely on your own understanding.

 

Complicated.

I never give up, I never want to turn around once I embark on a journey. I just never want to feel like a failure. I’d rather struggle to stay afloat than admit I’m drowning. Maybe it has to do with my ego, principles or upbringing. I really don’t know. All I used to know was never quitting and in the end I’ll excel. It worked when life wasn’t so complicated even if at that point I thought life couldn’t get any worse. Apparently, it can. 

 
Everything’s crazy now. I’m so close to the end but I’m even closer to giving up. All I hear now is “you can do it, I have faith in you. You never fail”. Not really sure how much faith I have in myself anymore. I’m scared out of my mind and I don’t know how else to put it across. Not really sure if this kind of fear is healthy but I’m sure I don’t want to keep feeling this way. 
 
I’m about to have 10 crazy days but I’m putting all my faith in God ’cause I know He has never failed me and he won’t start now. I’ll make it through.