I feel really grateful for the people I’ve chosen to do life with. Every connection is intentional. Intentionality is a part of all aspects of my life. I’m never just going with the flow–this of course is a blessing and a curse. But, these souls I’ve aligned myself with are exactly who I want(need) to journey with.
I’m grateful for space–to be and become. Space to fall apart and reassemble, to question and be certain, to learn and unlearn, to speak up and hold back. I’m thankful for the spaces I’ve created for myself and the ones that have been created on my behalf. Because life can be both simple and tasking, I struggle to hold my head high at all times. I’m learning to accept the spaces that have been created for me to fall apart.
As a person, I struggle with asking for and accepting assistance. But life is funny because it has steered me to a place where assistance is paramount for my survival and I continue to do the daily dance of tug of war. I believe I must learn the lessons of this chapter to thrive in the next but I refuse to believe that I’m being tested because I am strong. I refuse to believe that my willingness to keep going is the reason why the hailstorm won’t cease.
I continue to push forward, eager to see how this story ends and holding on to those I want on the other side of the chaos.
They shouldn’t push you to believe you’re crazy. They don’t know where you’ve been. They haven’t walked in your shoes so they can’t even begin to comprehend your struggle or the complexity of your mind. You’re more than the smile on your face today, I know. You’re more than the calmness you seem to bring into situations now, I know. Your story is a lot deeper than that. You don’t show them your scars so they think you don’t have any. You don’t cry anymore so they think you’ve never shed a tear. You’re healed now so they believe you’ve never been hurt. It’s so difficult to get them to understand the kind of strength it took to crawl out of the hole of depression that was your past.
You know where you’re coming from and you see your growth. Don’t let them make light of it.
I acknowledge your strength. It’ll only get better from here.
Take a little time to appreciate yourself
Don’t make light of your journey
I know parts of it have left you scarred
That’s ok, you’ll heal
You’ll learn and grow too
You’ll be strong enough to love again
Love yourself, darling.
You’re exactly where you need to be
It’s perfectly fine that you don’t have it all figured out.
You see this life thing, no one’s really sure how to properly ‘do it’
Just try not to ‘do it’ alone.
In the end, you’ll be fine.
You’re guarded? I am too.
We need to be careful though. Building walls, trying so hard to protect ourselves. Guarding our hearts, scared of letting anyone too close. Avoiding getting our hearts shattered again? We’ve been hurt, we know what ‘broken’ feels like so we’re just making sure we keep all the pieces together.
Maybe we’re hurting ourselves. Locking out all the people we really need, you know the ones that only care about making sure we don’t hurt again?
That’s the thing about guarded people like us, we never believe anyone is genuine enough to just care about our well-being. Maybe because the people that swore they did at some point, found a way to walk away eventually. We’re constantly over-analyzing, over-thinking, trying so hard to read into the most irrelevant things. But as long as humans remain human, someone will eventually let us down somewhere along this journey of life.
“Hiding how you really feel & trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar”
Came across this quote a few days ago and it made me stop dead in my tracks. Really? Is that really what it is? Lying? I never thought of it that way. I just felt I was a strong individual or maybe just a good friend. Not a liar. I fought how true that was but I lost. If you do consider the reality of things, there’s so much truth in it. A lot of us try to be overly strong and independent, that’s where we get it wrong. Along our journey, we mastered the art of lying. We became strong, independent liars when all we ever try to be is honest. Sad right?