Lessons In My 20s #2


For a long time, I was fighting for a seat at the table of a familiar stranger’s life
I crawled, I scratched, I begged, just to be seen
Just to be worthy
I was working overtime to prove myself
Because, they told me,
‘You have to fight for love, darling’
But when the right love walks in the door, you wouldn’t have to fight
Your only responsibility would be to open your arms, embrace it and keep it safe

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All my life, love hurt
So, I began to measure love with pain
The more it hurt, the more certain I was it was real
Then you walked in
Calm, free of pain, offering love
I couldn’t understand how that was possible
In the spirit of trying new things, I let you in
I let you teach me what love really was
With every lesson,
I wonder how I lived without it for so long

Him.

He’s bad for you, you know
He’ll never be what you want, you know
He’ll never change, you know
He’ll never have your back, you know
He’s still as selfish as he was yesterday, you know
Still, you stay.
Hoping, wishing, praying.
Do yourself a favour and let go.
It’s hard, I know.
One day you’ll have the strength.

Battle.

I see you trying,
I know you want to fight to keep this.
Be careful not to hurt yourself.
Sometimes, you’re the only broken one after the battle.
Don’t drown trying to keep another person afloat,
Your feelings matter too.
Trust them, don’t push them aside.
I hope you’re stronger from this.

Strength from scars.


They shouldn’t push you to believe you’re crazy. They don’t know where you’ve been. They haven’t walked in your shoes so they can’t even begin to comprehend your struggle or the complexity of your mind. You’re more than the smile on your face today, I know. You’re more than the calmness you seem to bring into situations now, I know. Your story is a lot deeper than that. You don’t show them your scars so they think you don’t have any. You don’t cry anymore so they think you’ve never shed a tear. You’re healed now so they believe you’ve never been hurt. It’s so difficult to get them to understand the kind of strength it took to crawl out of the hole of depression that was your past.
You know where you’re coming from and you see your growth. Don’t let them make light of it.
I acknowledge your strength. It’ll only get better from here.

Love and pain.


Sometimes, love isn’t enough
We learned the hard way
Our extreme differences pulled us apart
I wish it didn’t end this way
My heart still hurts
Hope yours is healing just fine
Yes, that’s the love speaking
It’s still here.
I’m still here.
I wish you the best
Don’t let your demons win.

Soothing pain.


The change was soothing
I was grateful for a fresh start
Then it hit me,
The pain was familiar.
I’ve read this book before
I know exactly how the story ends
Constant bickering then we grow apart,
Forget the real reason why we started the journey
Hurtful comments and inconsiderate actions.
You promised love will never hurt again.
Again, you lied.
You’ve broken the heart I just pieced together.
Same hell, different demons.