Sometimes, love isn’t enough
We learned the hard way
Our extreme differences pulled us apart
I wish it didn’t end this way
My heart still hurts
Hope yours is healing just fine
Yes, that’s the love speaking
It’s still here.
I’m still here.
I wish you the best
Don’t let your demons win.
The change was soothing
I was grateful for a fresh start
Then it hit me,
The pain was familiar.
I’ve read this book before
I know exactly how the story ends
Constant bickering then we grow apart,
Forget the real reason why we started the journey
Hurtful comments and inconsiderate actions.
You promised love will never hurt again.
Again, you lied.
You’ve broken the heart I just pieced together.
Same hell, different demons.
You’re no longer the calm,
You’re no longer the reason she smiles,
You’re starting to cause unbearable pain,
You promised you’d never hurt her,
Now, everyday she wakes up without a smile.
You can tell she’s hurting but you continue to tug at her heart,
You’re smiling through her pain,
I hope whatever joy you’re deriving from this is comparable to the amount of love she has for you.
Yes, she cries at night.
Yet, she’s loving you through the pain.
You’re so wrapped up in yourself,
You can’t feel her slipping away.
You’re not hurt
You’re just angry you trusted him again
You’re angry you let your heart get to a place of vulnerability
You’re angry you started holding on to nothing
Depending on his presence even if he wasn’t yours
You wish there was a way to shut off your heart but it’s a little more complicated than that
You’ve felt this emotion before
You know it doesn’t last forever
Just remember holding on to nothing is never a good way to support yourself.
Is it still love if he only wants you when he thinks someone is about to have you?
Is it still love if he only thirsts for your love when you’re about to pour it into another?
Is it still love if it starts making you think you’re not good enough?
Is it still love if all it does is make your heart uneasy?
Is it still love if you’re the only one fighting to keep it?
You’re scared of change. He might be too. Maybe that’s why you both keep trying to find comfort in the same arms that crushed your hearts. Kissing the lips that parted and voiced the words that made you feel small. Remember when you both hurt each other? Are you trying to heal this time or are you both just waiting for another imperfect moment to break yourselves?
I know you feel the difference. Your heart doesn’t race the same, the butterflies don’t feel the same, it’s a little more stifling. You’re constantly reminding yourself not to feel too much because he might be gone soon. You know the part when he walks out the door again is inevitable. He’s never really yours to keep. Has he ever been?
You’re so addicted to the chaos and emotional uncertainty that you consciously hurt yourself repeatedly. You believe you’ve found beauty amidst the chaos. It’s hard but you’ve convinced yourself it’s easier than getting used to new butterflies in your tummy or the heartbeat the love of another could awaken.
You’re guarded? I am too.
We need to be careful though. Building walls, trying so hard to protect ourselves. Guarding our hearts, scared of letting anyone too close. Avoiding getting our hearts shattered again? We’ve been hurt, we know what ‘broken’ feels like so we’re just making sure we keep all the pieces together.
Maybe we’re hurting ourselves. Locking out all the people we really need, you know the ones that only care about making sure we don’t hurt again?
That’s the thing about guarded people like us, we never believe anyone is genuine enough to just care about our well-being. Maybe because the people that swore they did at some point, found a way to walk away eventually. We’re constantly over-analyzing, over-thinking, trying so hard to read into the most irrelevant things. But as long as humans remain human, someone will eventually let us down somewhere along this journey of life.
There’s a fine line between wanting to be with someone and not being able to stomach them being with someone else.
Are you really in love with her or is the idea of her in his arms sickening? We need to ask ourselves this and stop forcing our hearts to feel love that’s already lost. Of course, it’ll hurt but it’ll hurt more if you’re holding on out of pride, selfishness and jealousy.
Let things naturally unravel. Maybe it’ll work out someday. Maybe it won’t and it’s the end of the road. Learn to be ok with that. Your heart will thank you later.
She was broken
You wanted her
All of her
But her heart was under lock and key
You tried loving her pain away
Then the magic happened
She was whole, nearly perfect.
There’s so much beauty in the broken soul that is you
The way your brows twitch at the fear of accepting a compliment
The graceful way you struggle to fix yourself
The way your heart races when you lose control
The way you smile when you try to stop your heart from speaking
The way my heart completely accepts every piece of your puzzle