You & Him.

You’re scared of change. He might be too. Maybe that’s why you both keep trying to find comfort in the same arms that crushed your hearts. Kissing the lips that parted and voiced the words that made you feel small. Remember when you both hurt each other? Are you trying to heal this time or are you both just waiting for another imperfect moment to break yourselves?

I know you feel the difference. Your heart doesn’t race the same, the butterflies don’t feel the same, it’s a little more stifling. You’re constantly reminding yourself not to feel too much because he might be gone soon. You know the part when he walks out the door again is inevitable. He’s never really yours to keep. Has he ever been?

You’re so addicted to the chaos and emotional uncertainty that you consciously hurt yourself repeatedly. You believe you’ve found beauty amidst the chaos. It’s hard but you’ve convinced yourself it’s easier than getting used to new butterflies in your tummy or the heartbeat the love of another could awaken.

Recovery.

She seems the strongest,

She hides every emotion,

The loneliest in a crowded room,

Life’s turmoils have broken every bit of her spirit,

She’s drowning out,

She’s losing grip,

Begging for help with a silent cry,

No one hears, no one helps.

She tries to pick up the pieces,

Yet, life hits her back to the ground again,

Pushing against the tides,

Hope seems unreachable,

Lost in a life of sorrow,

She swears to numb up.

Numbing up,

Dim lights. No smile.

She’s perceived differently,

Rude. Arrogant. Proud.

She’s just a product of broken dreams,

Shattered emotions,

The pieces she brought together didn’t fit right,

Misguided connection between the physical and emotional,

Still, she’s up.