Who claps when you win?

Last week, I had a sudden realization that I have willingly allowed people to starve me of unwavering support. I’ve had people claim they love me and have my back but when I win, they never clap. When I win, they pinpoint why it wasn’t good enough or how much better it could have been.

Last week, I felt genuine happiness when my best friend won. I screamed at the top of my lungs because I was proud and our prayers had been answered. For days after that, I couldn’t stop smiling because I felt unexplainable joy for a win that wasn’t even mine.

Last week, I learned that true friendship claps when you win. True friendship supports your dreams, holds your hand in prayer until you accomplish your goals and continues to push you to attain even more.

Last week, I learned that if a person claims to love and support me but offers me any less, I should walk away.

Different.

We’re all different. Just like our faces are different, so are our callings. People need to stop getting things confused and trying to follow other people’s life paths. We’re all struggling to find our place in the world but can we try doing just that? Finding our own place. A place where we’re genuinely comfortable and confident in who we are, a place where we have next to no regrets and happiness is exactly what we’ve made it.
Can we try to understand ourselves before looking to other people to explain to us who we really are and what we’re really made of? Can we try following our own dreams and strive to accomplish our own goals? Can we try speaking our own truth and not be influenced by society’s unwritten standards?

Dreams.

It’s really sad that people try to make others believe their dreams are unachievable or not up to par. I think we should all be allowed to dream and tread our own path. The fact that someone’s passion isn’t good enough for you or society doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for them. Allow people be themselves, don’t try to box them in and turn them into conformists.
When you constantly bring someone down for what they believe in, you’re just setting them up for unhappiness and failure in the long run. Why should you be happy living your dream while you steal the freedom to dream from another?
We’re all different and so are our goals. We all need to come to terms with that. The end goal doesn’t always have to be monetary. Happiness trumps that any day.

Fear.

I’m well accustomed to that feeling. I grew up learning every aspect of it. Fear to express who you really are and where you really want to get in life. Fear of letting down the people that love and care about you. Fear of being the ‘black sheep’. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of rejection. You put me in all these boxes and as the years went by, they became smaller and smaller. Now, I’m trapped in them and can’t find my way out. I wish I wasn’t so scared but I am. I’m scared of YOU. I’m scared I can’t be who you want me to be but I can’t express this to you because of the fear of letting you down. I’m scared the path I really want to tread isn’t good enough for you. I’m tired of following dreams that look good on paper because that’s what you feel is right for me. It’s frustrating me. You wouldn’t know because you expect my life to be a bed of roses because I’m following the ‘right path’. You’ve boxed me in and now, I can’t stand to face another day of living in fear. 

 

Trapped in a box,

The walls start closing in on you,

Your mind tells you you can’t be good enough,

That’s when you panic and let the tears roll,

Too scared to be you,

Too scared to follow your own dreams,

Then, you realize the box is just fear,

You stay trapped regardless.

Why?

Fear already stole your dreams. 

 

Decisions.

Life’s thrown so much at me in the past couple of weeks. It’s difficult to really make anything of the circumstances I’ve found myself in but everything’s had me on a roller coaster of emotions. I’m hanging in there but I have to make decisions. Life changing decisions. I have to decide to take control of my own destiny. It’s not the easiest thing to decide to live for yourself, live out your own dreams and not what a governing party has laid out for you in their mind or the dreams you’ve grown up to believe you should follow. 

 
Learning to stand on your own and chase your own dreams isn’t the easiest thing but it’ll be worth it in the end. We all claim to be independent but are we really? There’s a lot more to independence than we want to believe. Sometimes, we need to be opinionated- operative word being “sometimes“-. Being opinionated isn’t always the best thing cause you could come across as stuck up or pushy. Regardless, being a person with an opinion or a standing is really necessary in life.