Life used to be so easy, it all seemed perfect. There was really no need to overthink or over analyze because everything just seemed to work out. Those were the days when growing up seemed to be the most exciting thing. I remember looking up to the adults around me because I thought they had it all figured out, I thought they were living in the moment I always dreamed about. They seemed to be living a life with no boundaries, they seemed to have all the freedom I craved.
Now, I feel like I’m in that moment and it’s nothing like my 10 year old self perceived it to be. I wish I had a little more time to prepare for exactly what the life of a young adult entails. Why didn’t anyone talk about the more important aspects of adulthood that made it a lot less enticing like friends betraying you, your heart breaking one too many times, the bumps in the road, doors that could shut in your face, and everything else that could cause you to overthink and stress?
When did life stop being so simple? Do we need those boundaries to exist within the walls of simplicity? Is complication the price of freedom?
Based on a series of events over the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to the realization that I complicate the simplest things in life. I really don’t know why I over think them until they become so complex and overwhelm me.
Ever met someone that let you learn how simple making a connection is? I have but I’m so in love with complications that I’m still fighting it. Fighting reality. I think that’s the worst battle to get yourself entangled in. How long does completely letting someone in really take in a simple world? I have no idea because I’ve fought every opportunity to live in that world.
I’m in a very happy place right now. Trying to take life one day at a time and disengage from complications. It’ll take time but it’ll happen in the end.
I never give up, I never want to turn around once I embark on a journey. I just never want to feel like a failure. I’d rather struggle to stay afloat than admit I’m drowning. Maybe it has to do with my ego, principles or upbringing. I really don’t know. All I used to know was never quitting and in the end I’ll excel. It worked when life wasn’t so complicated even if at that point I thought life couldn’t get any worse. Apparently, it can.
Everything’s crazy now. I’m so close to the end but I’m even closer to giving up. All I hear now is “you can do it, I have faith in you. You never fail”. Not really sure how much faith I have in myself anymore. I’m scared out of my mind and I don’t know how else to put it across. Not really sure if this kind of fear is healthy but I’m sure I don’t want to keep feeling this way.
I’m about to have 10 crazy days but I’m putting all my faith in God ’cause I know He has never failed me and he won’t start now. I’ll make it through.