Today.

Hey, it’s been a minute!

Woke up today feeling a little low. Lately that has been a norm but there’s something about today – a little extra discomfort and uneasiness. I figured I should share that because someone out there could be experiencing these emotional waves like I am.

Some days, it’s a little more than waves. I face the constant internal battle with self – the awareness that I’m more sad than others vs. my willingness to choose happiness every day. I give myself a pass because not a lot of people can face the trials I have faced (and currently facing) and muster the courage to get up every day, challenging everything inside to get shit done.

Lately, it’s been harder. I think it gets harder by the second. I feel a little less with each passing day, which I know cannot be a good thing because this numbness approaching will not yield healthy results.

It’s been harder to share, talk, express but today, I said there’s something different about today – relief or emotional breakdown – it led pen to paper and I’m here. If you’re here with me, wherever this is, I hope we make it out. I hope we tell tales of these times standing tall with a smile knowing we crawled out, fingernails scraping, bleeding and crying. These battles within and without, I hope we win.

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Maybe.

Maybe I tried too hard,

Maybe I came on too strong,

Maybe I shared too much,

Maybe transparent wasn’t what you wanted,

Maybe honesty wasn’t what you needed,

Maybe we weren’t made for each other,

Maybe your heart couldn’t feel,

Maybe you were fighting insecurities,

Maybe you were scared to take a chance,

Maybe facing reality was your greatest challenge,

Maybe you were just too selfish to share your heart,

Maybe your ego couldn’t accommodate love,

Maybe you couldn’t even see me.