At some point, your life became all walls and boundaries. Betrayal and hurt. No one seemed trust worthy, every tongue told a lie, every eye showed false promises. It was easy living that way cause you believed it was the best way to protect yourself. Sucked to be you then.
Then you met him. Yes! You were still you but with time you softened up, you opened up, you believed again, you trusted again, you came to love again. You forgot you were ever hurt.
What happened? He did the same thing. ‘…we can be friends…’ “Why? Why would I want to be friends with you? Look love in the face everyday and ignore it?”, you thought. You resulted to want to hate him. You moved away, distanced yourself. Tried to let space heal your heart but everywhere your turned, he was there. Flirting with females, hurting you more everyday. Funny thing? You still got jealous even when you were trying to hate him.
Then he wanted you back, you wanted him as well but you were scared. Scared your prayers were answered for all the wrong reasons, scared you prayed against yourself. All you thought was “What if…?”
Regardless, you believed him again. Surprisingly, he decided to ‘omit’ something he should have told you-you tell him everything even the stupid details. You expected that too. Made you feel like you mattered enough to not be kept out of the loop- it was her, not even five seconds after he had broken your heart, said the most hurtful things anyone had ever said to you. Her? Why? Couldn’t you have waited? A little? You couldn’t answer that anyway cause he kept trying to run away from the topic. You were dying to know how and why it all happened but you didn’t want to push him away again. You forgave him out of love but forgetting was so hard seeing as she popped up in your life everyday and you imagined someday they’d be somewhere alone and… -the thought of that just scared you-
While being cautious and trying not to voice out your fears, he still drifted.
You missed him everyday. Sometimes, you couldn’t tell him so he wouldn’t feel choked and drift even farther.
“I love you”, you whispered through your tears. Couldn’t remember the last time you said that because you didn’t want to put him on the spot.
“I care so much about you and I’d always be here for you for as long as you let me”, you assured him silently as he walked around frowning and not letting you in.
“I know I’m a hand full but sometimes I’m so touchy and easily pissed cause I’m scared. Sometimes, I’m scared I’m not good enough for you or I can’t be who you really want to be with”, you finally summoned courage to blot out.
Now, the energy is weird.
It’s finally over. Again. Of course, it was expected, reliving yesterday under the same circumstances, the outcome couldn’t have been different. Life goes on. No human is indispensable
Now, everything is so awkward. You were so used to waking up and saying ‘Good Morning’, but now you just wake up and whisper it to yourself. You liked your space but not this kind of space right? You considered him your best friend -hate that terminology but that’s you trying to explain the feeling- You weren’t trying to change that. You still wanted to laugh and joke around in as much as the feelings weren’t the same anymore. You valued the friendship you had. Didn’t know how to get that across to him. Couldn’t tell him because you weren’t ready to feel stupid yet.
“Let’s ignore each other. It’s actually easy, didn’t know I could do this”, you tried to convince yourself.
While lying to yourself, you had expectations when you finally decided to meet up with him.
On arrival, you pinched yourself. “Thought seeing you would kill me but you’re not the person I used to love so I guess I can’t love a stranger.”
Right there, you embraced the truth and grew from the cycle of unrequited love.
You’re stronger, you’re beautiful, you can conquer tomorrow.